How to Craft the Best Questions

All questions are not created equal. Some are more powerful than others – opening up new learning, insight, and discovery. Yet we often just ask whatever pops to mind, having rarely if ever considered how to craft a good question. (One of the things for which I’m most thankful to The Center for Coaching Excellence is their instruction on how to ask better questions. Good question-asking did not come naturally for me…I had a lot to learn!)
 
There is a craft – an intentionality – to asking great questions. Remembering the following two statements will propel you forward in that craft.
 
1. The best questions are open-ended questions. Open-ended questions leave the door open so a conversation can carry on in any number of directions, depending on where the respondent chooses to take it. They are easily recognized in contrast to closed questions, which elicit a limited “yes” or “no” response. Here are some examples:

• Closed: Did you sleep all right? (Y/N)
  Open: How did you sleep?
• Closed: Are you involved in any civic organizations?
  Open: What are some of your interests?
• Closed: Do you like your city?
  Open: Tell me about your hometown.

 
2. The best questions are asked for the sake of the other.
Have you ever reflected upon why you ask the questions you do? Questions can be self-serving or others-serving, rooted in curiosity or in wonder.

• Self-Serving (Curiosity-based) Questions
  Unfortunately, the questions that pop to mind most readily are usually the worst questions. This is because those questions are fueled by our own curiosity, which means we’re hunting for something we want to know for our own benefit. (Example: A friend tells you his sister and her boyfriend got in a car accident. You then ask, “I didn’t know your sister had a new boyfriend. When did she get divorced?” As you can intuit, this kind of curiosity-fueled question can be an about-face that shuts the speaker down rather than opening him/her up to more conversation.)

 

• Others-Serving (Wonder-based) Questions
  Conversely, questions asked for the sake of the other draw something out of them. These questions are prompted by wonder (as in, “I wonder…”) rather than curiosity – the difference being intended outcome. Whereas curiosity-based questions are asked with the intention of satisfying the asker’s desire for information, wonder-based questions are formed with the intention of making space for the other to respond however they wish. Being on the receiving end of a wonder-based (open-ended) question is a real gift, allowing you – as you articulate your response – to discover something you may not have even known was there.

 
Learning to ask wonder-based, others-serving questions is a way to love others through communication. These self-giving questions are part of what I call “conversational hospitality,” because they make room for the other.
 
How to change your closed questions to open-ended questions:
There is a place for asking closed questions – sometimes we need them in order to gather critical information (“Did you remember to buy the milk at the store”). But when we’re trying to have meaningful conversations, it’s open-ended questions that will do the most good.
 
Here’s a quick tip for how to open up your questions and change your conversations for the better.

1. Root out question-openers that limit the allowable responses to a “yes” or “no,” including “Did you…”, “Are you…”, “Do you…”, and “Have you…”.
2. Replace these phrases with the following three powerful question-openers: “How…”, “What…”, or “Tell me about…”.

(Refer back to the closed and open question examples above to see the difference!)
 
If you do these two things, this you’ll be well on your way to asking great questions. Give it a try and let me know what happens!

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